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Anybody here a fan of The Emperor’s New Groove? If you haven’t seen it, what are you doing with your life? Go watch it right now! (I’m only half kidding.)

It really is a wonderful movie, one of my favorites of the Disney animated movies (along with Lilo and Stitch and Robin Hood). But, in short, the main character in Emperor’s New Groove is a self-centered, egotistical child who marches to the beat of his own drum, and whenever folks don’t do what he wants (when they throw off his groove)—well—he has them thrown out a window.

Nice guy.

Well, I don’t know about y’all, but 2020 and 2021 have definitely thrown off my groove, but I can’t throw life out a window. I’ve got to live it.

Honest Author Warning: I’ve been going through a super challenging season in life this year.

No surprise, I’m sure. I think everyone in the world is going through a challenging season, one that started around February or March of 2020 and hasn’t really let up yet.

And that’s not to say there haven’t been highlights. Of course there have been. I released a book in 2020 (in March… great idea). I released a book in 2021. In June… would have been a great idea… but my bestie had a baby, which was absolutely a highlight. Except Baby Ninja Bean decided to be dramatic and impatient and join the world at 28 weeks via emergency C-section.

So that happened.

And then I got COVID, which wasn’t a horrible overall experience to tell you the truth, except for the mind-numbing exhaustion. Although I’m not sure I can tell you that the exhaustion was all COVID related, because of everything else that was going on at the same time.

I’m sure everyone else has a similar tale of woe. The players and circumstances are probably different, but every person in the world has struggled to survive the past two years with some element of mental health intact.

So … now what?

The sun is definitely shining again. The global situation isn’t as dire as it was, although many seem to want it to be (that’s a topic for another time). For the most part, everyone in my life is stable and functional and moving forward with life. So what’s wrong with me?

I know part of it is the time of the year. It’s conference season, and my August is insane. But I fear my inability to settle down goes deeper than my schedule.

A good deal of it is tiredness. Some of it is disappointment. But I fear the vast majority of it is disillusionment. It’s just plain discouragement, guys. And I know how that sounds. It’s a pitiful reason, especially when I rationally look back over everything that I’ve been able to accomplish this year. Except I’m tired. I weary. I’m worn out, and the little niggling voice at the back of my brain that tells me I should just give up gets louder and louder with every disappointment.

And here’s the kicker: I know that God is faithful. God has been faithful to me for every moment of my life. I can tell you stories. I can go back decades and share all about how He has made Himself known in my life. So when it comes to faithfulness, it’s not Him. The problem, my friends, is me.

When it comes to faithfulness, it’s not Him.

The problem, my friends, is me.

I want to be faithful in return. That’s what He’s called me to. But what I want to do, I don’t do. I strive for obedience with the best of intentions, but when push comes to shove I stay put instead of stepping out. I attack the blank page on my computer screen with verve and passion, and three hours later, the same blank screen mocks me with its emptiness.

Maybe you don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, or maybe you’re walking this same path right alongside me. It’s not that you disagree with the idea of doing the work. Of course you have to do the work. It’s part of being obedient, and nothing that’s worth doing is easy to do. It just feels like you’ve been DOING for so long and nothing has come from it except more things for you to do.

That may be what it feels like. But just because it feels that way doesn’t make it true. At the end of the day, when you have to choose between what you feel and what is true, what you feel has to take a back seat. What you feel will change. What is true never does. And the truth is: I trust God. I made that choice a long time ago, to follow where He leads, to obey His Word, to live according to His expectations, and to be His ambassador to the world.

Am I feeling frustrated with Him? Yes. Am I tired of feeling jerked around? Yes. Am I feeling like He’s listening to everyone else except me? Yes. But what I feel doesn’t have to determine how I choose to act, and I choose to act on the truth. That God has a plan, He never makes mistakes, and He always keeps His promises.

That means being obedient. It means being faithful to His calling on my life. Doing the work even when I don’t feel like it and trusting that He will bless it somehow.

Will it work? Will choosing to obey help me find my groove again? Right now, I can’t tell you. But I believe it will help me find something, even if it’s not what I’m expecting.